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Current Mood: Sad & Disappointed

I’ve been trying to get a lot of work done on my blog and get all the adoptables back up again. I’ve got so much work to do on my graphic site too but I really haven’t felt like doing anything on the computer.  I’ve been a little depressed dealing with my oldest daughter again (she’s homeless and at a shelter due to choices she’s made) and I’ve been so stressed out and upset that I haven’t really felt like doing anything but veg out in the recliner. She’s been through living at several several relatives and friends houses including ours but she doesn’t bother to go by any of the rules that people put down for her and she wont work or stop drinking or abusing meds. This tough love stuff is terrible on me and of course she thinks when I do it that I don’t care. sigh. I know that Lord has wonderful things planned for her and that I need to turn all this over to Him and rest knowing that He’s in control of everything not me.  It’s one of the things that the Lord has been dealing with me in all this is my tendency to want to control everything and stressing out when I can’t. I know there are other parents out there dealing with their kids who seem to be on a self destruct course and the horrible helpless feelings that they get.  I’ve gone through wanting to help her to wanting to just slap some sense into her. *sigh*  She wants to make her own decisions but when her decisions make a mess out of her life then she comes to me to fix it (needing money to fix it of course) and I just can’t anymore.  We’re a one income household and we go without a lot of necessities as it is.  So I pray and cry and do the best I can by doing the tough love thing.  She’s very angry at me and expects me to fix it all for her so I’m going down Saturday to hopefully have an ”adult” conversation with her to work out our relationship.  She can’t keep calling me “just” when she needs money.  It just makes me sick that her grandfather made her this way by giving her whatever she wanted without requiring anything on her part.  Sometimes I think kids that are spoiled grow up into the most disfunctional adults,  even more than the ones that were abused like me. sigh.